SYNOPSIS: it’s the time of troubles. people are writing the old testament of the bible so future generations will hear all about it.
lots of bad people are being drawn to the CITY OF SODOM, and it’s GOD’s job to sort out the mess. YOU are GOD, one of the big badass dudes from that time period, and you must smite the evildoers…or maybe you’ll just blast the CITY OF SODOM itself when you can’t be bothered to mete out deliverance one lightning bolt at a time. [Read more →]
here’s a little banner i came up with for the dirty marmaduke flute squad in less than 20 minutes. fans of pig may recognize it.
rattled off last night, and only a first draft to show for it. i suppose this is appropriate for a drunken punk ballad, with pirate-like overtones. believe it or not, i was inspired to write this after listening to the doors’ “peace frog”. [Read more →]
Follow this link to view a video on barry cooper’s new television show: kop busters.
i remember when this guy’s video came out, and how the flex your rights foundation lambasted him for advocating that citizens consent to searches of their vehicles during routine traffic stops. i also gave him a tough time on a public message board (not that it matters, honestly; i was acting the part of a f.y.r. fanboy), even going as far as accusing him of being a mole for the police department. this television show of his is impressive, and goes a long way in proving that he is what he says he is: a reformed police officer willing to show the corruption rife in his and other local police jurisdictions.
though i still don’t agree with his stance on consenting to police searches, hopefully he’ll have a chance to continue the show and spread the ideas of both drug decriminalization and corrupt police to the public at large.
catching up, after slacking off on these creative writing prompts for a bit. i’m behind at least one week.
write about a weird day in your workplace.
today was a weird day at work, definitely. this is a true story.
i do not vote. i am a very rare breed in that sense. why do i not vote? because a lot of the learning i’ve picked up in the past seven years or so–perhaps even before then–has pointed to the conclusion that the u.s. government is bad news. i don’t want to support it. i used to be a fan of the constitution, but even that wore off. that’s a long story i really don’t have time to go into right now.
so, back to ‘not voting.’ many of my friends must think i’m bonkers for not doing it, or that i’m lazy, or apathetic, or some combination of all those things. that’s okay by me; i’m not trying to change their opinion or anything like that. they’re certainly welcome to their own opinion, as am i. which is that, in a nutshell, any complicity to a system i disagree with–or perhaps ‘abhor’ is a suitably forceful word–is surrender to that system. as such, i am unable to bring myself to vote, as in my mind it lends legitimacy to a process and institution i find immoral and criminal.
i do not have the right to force anyone to live their life the way i choose. no one has the right to force me to live my life as they choose. the only reason i follow any laws at all is that eventually, enforcement of these laws usually boils down to the use of force.
even traffic violations, parking tickets, etc. will fall under this eventuality, taken to its end. try it, and see where it leads.
whatever. anyway. so, i don’t vote.
i had it in my head that this year, this election day, was finally time for me to step up my commitment to non-voting. it also happened to be a halloween recently, and for that i’d purchased myself an interesting, eye-catching costume: an old woman. i found a latex rubber mask for like ten bucks, and picked up a pink striped sweater and woman’s dun-coloured skirt for cheaper than the mask. after borrowing a housemate’s socks, i had quite the ensemble. the coworkers loved it. i had even mastered the posture and hobbling gait of an old woman whose hips had long since given way to arthritis and/or replacement.
i hatched a plan to wear the old woman costume on election day, and come up with a poster that described some catchy phrase. when people approached, inevitably asking what the poster was about, i would give them a pamphlet i designed, detailing a mildly sarcastic listing of reasons why people vote. i also fantasized what i, a self-professed pacifist would have done if someone had summoned the nerve to punch an old woman who had offended them in the face.
the pamphlet was done, and was reviewed by a friend of mine who works with and supports activists and demonstrators. my first draft didn’t align properly when i printed it out, so after a few tweaks, the double-sided layout had been perfected; the columns lined up perfectly when the pamphlet was folded into three equal leaves.
the most noticeable part of my ensemble was a two-sided poster stating ‘help! my vote doesn’t count!’ on it. i purchased two sheets of poster board and taped them together on three sides. after inserting a broom through the open end and taping it snugly, i had a solid-enough, prominent placard to carry while wandering about in front of the nearest polling place.
then election day came. i was anxious about my first foray into demonstration…and alone, at that. the notion occupied that back brain space of all that i did that day while at the day job. due to my absent-mindedness and non-diligent personal scheduling, duplication of the pamphlet had been put off for the past couple days, and i realized i needed to make the copies that afternoon, then dress in my costume, then arrive on the scene of the polling place (which i’d determined early in the day as well, not before). i dodged clients’ comments about voting, not wanting to jeopardize relations with them; i really didn’t feel the discussion was appropriate for the workplace anyway, and i really didn’t want to discredit the organization. to only one of my coworkers i admitted i was a ‘conscious non-voter.’
’so you’re just like my husband,’ she replied. that was relieving, i suppose.
at the end of the day, i hopped on the bike, made a quick stop to the copy shop along my homeward route, and made it the rest of the way home in the drizzling precipitation. the sky was undeniably dark, and i resolved that, were it too late–perhaps beyond 6:30 or 7pm–i’d defer my demonstrating.
i walked in the front door of the house, and immediately looked to the digital clock atop the stove. 5:31.
okay, so it was still on. but i was cold and covered with rain. i decided i did not want to stand out in the rain.
to sum up (this is turning out too long for my liking), i chickened out. i opted to not wear the costume. instead, i took my poster apart, made it into a poster-with pocket (handily constructed with a folded-up bottom edge and some packing tape) and wrote ’stop! don’t vote!’ on it. on the front of the pocket, i wrote ‘take one of these, and learn why.’
i then tucked the pamphlets i’d made into the pocket, folded the poster under my arm, and walked back to the polling place with a roll of packing tape bulging in my jacket pocket. after walking perhaps a quarter of a mile or so, i stopped by the concrete sidewall of a neighbour’s yard, and strapped three straps of tape, of formidable length, along the top edge of the poster. i tucked the tape roll back in my jacket, and continued my walk, perhaps 500 more feet or so.
rounding the corner, i saw the aperture in the chain-link fence that surrounded the edifice. at about the same time, a couple were emerging from the nearby parking lot to do their voting. in a moment of cerebral panic, i felt it would be better to walk past the entrance, returning after the couple had already entered. i then refused to do that, realizing that was a pair of potential converts to the non-voting cause. instead, i walked resolutely up to the fence, next to the ‘district polling place’ sign, and planted it on the fence.
it seemed over too quick, but i imagine i’m just adding too much drama to my gesture. i pressed down the three straps of tape along the top of the chain link fence, and when completed, i turned back the way i came. the sound of the couple’s footsteps sounded behind me, and i kept walking.
the wild imagination resurfaced once again, and i daydreamed of what would happen if the couple had seen the poster, realized i posted it there, and came running after me in their vote-casting mania. but no such pursuit actually happened. i made it back home without incident.
essentially, it was a ball-less move. there was no real cause for celebration or anything of the sort on my part, regardless of my recognition that it was to be the first of many such actions in my future. who knows how long the poster will last? i’ll take the car to work tomorrow, and drive past to see if the sign had been removed (along with the loser’s posters). i wonder if all of them will quickly end up in the trash (dipshits don’t recycle).
this being the start, it has helped me plan for future placements. for next election season, i want to find more folks who also oppose the notion of majority rule and the concept of voting, and seek their help. i’ll look into purchasing those wire stands for yard signs, and create smaller signs for those advertising the notion of not voting. i will make sure there’s more of a representation of the non-voting manifesto. i want to do it earlier in the day so more people will see it. and i also want to know if someone doing this can be put in jail for doing so.
the concept is there, and it can be done. and i already know what it’s like to do it. so if anything, that’s my rendition of a victory.
the end.
here’s the band’s press blurb for the baltimore music conference. we perform in a prime slot of the saturday night lineup at fletcher’s here in baltimore.
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad was originally the name given to the recordings of singer/grocer Nikc Miller. Recorded in the shed and basement of his parent’s home in Havre de Grace, Maryland, the home-recorded Shitfever! (2004) was mostly songs about food and girls and was recorded during a perpetual 2-month nutmeg binge. The album garnered enough local attention to demand live performances.
By 2005, Nikc Miller began performing locally with friends in order to support the release of “Hugburn!” a hand-distributed CD-R collection of leftovers and new songs.
In 2006, the band began recording their first effort as a full band. “Die Humpin!” (2007), marks the triumphant return of a band that never was. Leaving the 4-track and synthesized beats behind, “Die Humpin!” is as much a debut as it is a coming-of-age for a band that mostly happened by mistake.
2007 was a huge year for The Flute Squad, beginning with a run of extremely successful shows in Baltimore, including opening for national act World/Inferno Friendship Society. “Die Humpin!” received radio play on WTMD, and the band was also interviewed twice on 98Rock. But the highlight came when they were selected as one of the top 60 bands in the US (out of more than 7000) to appear on “The Next Great American Band”, from the producers of American Idol. The Squad were flown to Vegas for a whirlwind all-expenses paid trip where they performed in front of judges Sheila E, Johnny Rzeznik, and Ian “Dicko” Dickson. After their appearance on the first episode of the show, the band became the darlings of the Vote For the Worst crew (www.votefortheworst.com), and also saw over 15,000 hits on their Next Great American Band YouTube videos.
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad is currently hard at work on their follow-up album to Die “Humpin!”, which promises to be even more outrageous and over-produced than it’s predecessor.
i learned about an internet game where you create a new album cover for an indie rock band. the results (with an average of usually eight minutes spent on each) have been peculiar and amusing. here are my examples:
